Dear GC,
I’ve been with my boyfriend for just over a year now and I can honestly say he is the man that has ticked 9 out of 10 things I want in a man. When we first met he was finishing his second year of university and looking forwards to completing his final year.
The summer was amazing and I really had a chance to look at our relationship as one that would go the distance. He made it clear how he felt about me and made a point of making me a big part of his life. We were like glue and spent everyday of the summer together.
During the summer when we talked of mine and his plans for the future in terms of our careers, he said he would go straight onto masters after his degree. He asked me at the time if I would go with him should he decided to go abroad. I thought it was so sweet that he would want me to follow him and I said yes.
I am from Uganda and he is from Ghana and he recently told me that he wants to put his masters on hold for a year because he has been given an opportunity to work back home in Ghana with his father’s business for a year before starting his masters.
He explained that he would do better on his masters if he had work related experience. This is all great but there is now no mention of him asking me to come along and I’m devastated.
He hasn’t said he wants to end the relationship and says he wants me to visit and he will visit also and that 12 months is not a long time at all.
When I told my best friend she rolled her eyes and said he probably has to go back to his wife and family back home so I shouldn’t bother myself.
Her words were harsh but I’m starting to wonder if she has a point! All the thinking is making me very paranoid and I’m starting to wonder if I should just end the whole thing.
Joanne.
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Dear Joanne,
This is truly a typical conclusion to come to in regards to your friend’s not so friendly advice. I’m sure she is not the only one who has made this suggestion but as you yourself have said this will only add to any paranoid thoughts you are already having.
In all honesty there is a possibility that he could be ‘hiding his braid’ back home but this could be stereotypical paranoia, which seems such a waste of what appears to be a blossoming relationship if your suspicions are false.
One thing we woman need to be careful of is allowing our fear of being hurt or our fear of avoiding issues other people have gone through by putting up unnecessary barriers to happiness. It is true that many men back home are known for this behaviour but as a woman you need to be smarter than just having suspicions.
By being smart I mean removing your emotional decision making head and putting on your logical and smart thinking head. It’s clear you have two options here, stay in the relationship and wait for him for a year or end the relationship and never know what it could have been.
At some point in a couple’s life we will live apart from each other and it’s a real test of the relationship. As your relationship is still fairly new and you are not married yes it is surely harder but not the end of the world. As you mentioned you had your own plans to as there is no reason why this should be put on hold.
Men are not hard to read, if you discuss with him how you feel this long distance relationship should work his responses will surely help you make the right decision.
As women we’ve been blessed with instincts, we just need to learn to stop ignoring them! If you are serious about this there is no need for noise, arguments and mayhem.
If he is saying he wants the relationship to continue exclusively and he is surely coming back after the one year, insist calmly that you would like to support him to go and settle in back in Ghana before he starts work. If he is ok with this then the rest is simple!
I am not asking you to snoop or become a private investigator, there is no need for that and you are not in your territory so you are there to support and know his people and for them to know you. If this is all too overwhelming then the answer as we know is again very simple.
I hope this helps and I wish all you the best.
Regards,
SassyChic! /GhanaCelebrities.Com/United Kingdom
Send all your relationship & Love probs to me via [email protected]
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